so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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