Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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