Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
