It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
