I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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