operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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