Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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