My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
