Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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