She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
