I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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