no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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