I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
