It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Every concussion has its silver lining
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Randomize
