im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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