So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
