I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
