I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
