I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
