you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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