New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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