I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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