I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
