Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
