Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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