Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
