I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
