I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i believe in u and ur pee
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
