This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
