That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
