I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
