im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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