Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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