ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you would pick up someone in the library
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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