I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
