pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize