u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
