All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
now i know why i became what i already was.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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