this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
