Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
