After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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