cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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