This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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