He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
my liver is dry heaving
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
