Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
