Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
