god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
