hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
