I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How does one acquire holy water?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
