i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
